Date 2 looked like it might have a lot more potential than date one. He was pretty good looking, muscular, and most of all, he met my single number 1 dating criteria.
I will not date men under 6 feet tall. Even 6 feet is squeaking it in, but they must at least hit that mark.
There is a simple reason for this.
I am almost 5'9" myself, and when I put on heels, I don't want to be taller than my date.
I know that may sound shallow, but I rarely get to feel delicate at my height, and a man who is 6'3" can do that for me in a way one who is 5'8" cannot. Plus, I am big on symmetry and it just looks odd to see a woman taller than her man. Maybe that sounds old fashioned, but hey, it's my damn rule.
So we did my what I have come to call my 5 emails and 3 phone calls before we meet.
We decide to go for a Hot Chocolate at Tim Hortons (which will mean very little to my American friends, but I guess think Dunkin' Donuts.) Tim's was started by a hockey player (of course) and some people swear by their coffee. We even have a Timmy's in Kandahar I believe.
Anyhow.
We get to Timmy's (where I pay for my own Hot Chocolate, by the way) which should have been a sign, but hell, it's only a Hot Chocolate, right?
The conversation seems to be moving along quite well, we have quite a few things in common, but I just know that there is never going to be anything between us. Of course I can just tell because I'm getting that vibe but I think that perhaps I may at the very least make a new friend. (Why do I continue think think this? It's not as though I'm really an optimist)but the conversation is at least more than mildly interesting.
It wasn't too coolish night, so we decided to go for a walk in the neighbourhood.
Here is where I made my big mistake.
I brought him to my apartment.
I know, I know, I know!!
This is breaking my basic number 1 rule, and I wonder now what was going on in my head at the time, but I have to admit I was enjoying his conversation, and he was a great listener. Nothing is better than a man who will let you talk about yourself for a few good hours.
We sit down on the couch and sit and talk some more, at which point I am starting to get a weird vibe. I can tell that he wants to get physical with me.
He probably just wanted to kiss me, but this was waayyy too far into my space which I had managed to keep almost comfortable for me by sitting at the very end of the couch and forcing him to the other end of the couch. This was still a little close, but I wasn't getting any warning signs until I could tell he was trying to move closer, looking for that kiss.
There was no way that was going to happen, so I wrapped the evening up rapidly with a yawn, and sent him on his way.
At the door I gave him the ass out hug letting him know that my space was feeling invaded, but that I had at least enjoyed myself enough to have minimal physical contact.
Rule #2 broken.
Again I got the feeling that he wanted to kiss me so I said good night and told him I would call him soonish.
I didn't get the chance to wait a few days to call him.
He called the next day.
Not too weird, but still a little quick I thought.
I talked to him for about 10 minutes, and then cut the conversation off.
He called the next day.
Now I am starting to get slightly miffed.
Not scared or uncomfortable yet, but mildly annoyed.
And then he called the next day.
And the next.
And the next.
I finally tell him in a polite manner that I think that he is pushing a little too hard and that there are very few people I talk to every day and my space is now definitely invaded.
I try to be polite.
I try not to hurt his feelings.
I try to let him know that I am now starting to get annoyed.
When he calls the next 5 times, I don't answer the phone.
My friend Jen tells me to tell him to fuck off.
My therapist tells me to try to tell him again that he is in my space and that this is just not going to work.
That there is not even a chance for a real friendship now.
I go the therapist route, but this guy is still not getting it.
I don't know what to do at this point. Do I change my phone number? Do I go Jen's route? Because this guy is just not understanding what I am trying to lay down for him either with words or by ignoring his calls.
I finally decide that I will email him as nothing else seems to work.
I know this seems rather chicken shittish, but nothing else has worked up until now.
I write in the email that I am just not in the right head space to give him any time. I basically take it on myself, saying that between my health and my new job that I just have nothing to give to him or to anyone else right now.
I make it look like I am the big, bad, bitch.
I apologise, wish him well, tell him he is a nice guy and I hope he finds what he is looking for.
His response?
Ya K.
Just like that.
I don't even get a sentence for my troubles. I get text talk.
This guy who has managed to annoy me, bother me and finally piss me off basically gets the last word.
I should have gone Jen's route and told him to fuck right off.
My phone has rang a couple of times with a blocked number, and I wonder.
Maybe I'll let Jen talk to him if he calls again.
Next - the cyber chatters from hell.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Date 1 - The fibber
One of the first people who contacted me on the free site I'm on was a guy with the screen name lonetone(I will not be changing screen names to protect the creepy) I may decide to not use their real names if it went any further than a "Hi, how you doin', sexxxy?
I looked at his profile and he seemed to fit the majority of my dating prerequisites, all except for one. Because I am almost 5'9" myself, I have a rule about dating men shorter than 6 feet tall.I know that may sound shallow, but it has less to do with the man than it does with me. It's also more than just aesthetics, but I would like to wear heels and not be taller than my date.
He looked like the kind of guy I might be attracted to,you know, the glasses, geeky crazy hair kind of guy, so I decided to start chatting with him.
We went through three or four emails where I noted he chose not to spell correctly or to capitalise any of the words that needed that move.
I tried to ignore the spelling and grammar nightmare, the text talk, and the incredible amount of time it took for him to type out an answer to an almost yes or no question I had asked him.
I was starting to count the red flags all over the place, but when we talked on the phone, he seemed like a nice guy, and his conversation almost made up for the other issues.
We agreed to meet in a public place that was nowhere near where either of us lived (which I thought was strange) but it is also safer to stay away from home.
I was sitting on the boardwalk waiting, and I saw what I thought was him was heading in my direction.
I stood up to greet him, and not only was he not 5'10" as he had put in his information, he was more like 5'7". His hair was thinning ( which truly is not an issue for me0 but it was another red flag. His hair was also graying quite rapidly, and I noted he was single handedly going to bring back the mullet.
I tried to keep my mind not only on the things we had found we had in common during our phone conversations, but even the talk we had whilst we walked the boardwalk was interesting and worth the decision to go grab a bite of fish and chips.
We sat down to eat, and suddenly he lost it.
He lost the only thing that was keeping me even remotely interested.
He stopped talking.
No more witty comments, no more interesting travel stories, no anything. I found myself holding up both sides of the conversation.
He began to get even more boring, and I was finding that mullet waaay too distracting.
I finished up my dinner quickly, said no to the dessert menu and paid my share of the tab. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
He walked me to my car where I gave him the ass out hug (he tried to sneak in a yucky kiss) and we made promises about more meetings (something neither of us meant), and I got in my car, waved, and drove away.
Fast.
Here's what I don't get.
What happened? Did the semi witty guy I talked to on the phone simply run out of words?
And why would you put up a picture that was at least 5 years old, thereby lying about what you look like when you plan to meet the person?
It looks like I'm going to have to be more selective.
Again.
I looked at his profile and he seemed to fit the majority of my dating prerequisites, all except for one. Because I am almost 5'9" myself, I have a rule about dating men shorter than 6 feet tall.I know that may sound shallow, but it has less to do with the man than it does with me. It's also more than just aesthetics, but I would like to wear heels and not be taller than my date.
He looked like the kind of guy I might be attracted to,you know, the glasses, geeky crazy hair kind of guy, so I decided to start chatting with him.
We went through three or four emails where I noted he chose not to spell correctly or to capitalise any of the words that needed that move.
I tried to ignore the spelling and grammar nightmare, the text talk, and the incredible amount of time it took for him to type out an answer to an almost yes or no question I had asked him.
I was starting to count the red flags all over the place, but when we talked on the phone, he seemed like a nice guy, and his conversation almost made up for the other issues.
We agreed to meet in a public place that was nowhere near where either of us lived (which I thought was strange) but it is also safer to stay away from home.
I was sitting on the boardwalk waiting, and I saw what I thought was him was heading in my direction.
I stood up to greet him, and not only was he not 5'10" as he had put in his information, he was more like 5'7". His hair was thinning ( which truly is not an issue for me0 but it was another red flag. His hair was also graying quite rapidly, and I noted he was single handedly going to bring back the mullet.
I tried to keep my mind not only on the things we had found we had in common during our phone conversations, but even the talk we had whilst we walked the boardwalk was interesting and worth the decision to go grab a bite of fish and chips.
We sat down to eat, and suddenly he lost it.
He lost the only thing that was keeping me even remotely interested.
He stopped talking.
No more witty comments, no more interesting travel stories, no anything. I found myself holding up both sides of the conversation.
He began to get even more boring, and I was finding that mullet waaay too distracting.
I finished up my dinner quickly, said no to the dessert menu and paid my share of the tab. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
He walked me to my car where I gave him the ass out hug (he tried to sneak in a yucky kiss) and we made promises about more meetings (something neither of us meant), and I got in my car, waved, and drove away.
Fast.
Here's what I don't get.
What happened? Did the semi witty guy I talked to on the phone simply run out of words?
And why would you put up a picture that was at least 5 years old, thereby lying about what you look like when you plan to meet the person?
It looks like I'm going to have to be more selective.
Again.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
What I have been doing
I have embarked on a journey.
I know that other writers have done this and have written about it in their own blogs, but my interest in conducting this experiment is two-fold.
One: I am interested in seeing what happens when you put yourself out there, and if you are being honest, making yourself available emotionally and finally showing your vulnerability finding out what happens.
And
Two: Is it possible to meet people a lot of people who lie and yet are interesting and strange and make humorous dating stories.
That's right; I have entered the world of on line dating with serious attempt to find a boyfriend.
My last relationship started on line and I fell in love and other than it ending, it was a good relationship.
I want to know if I can find that again, here, in the city and country I live in. (Long distance relationships are just too difficult.)
I put up a profile on several of the local (and free) dating sites, and I spent 2 days filling out the e harmony questionnaire. Holy crap do they ask a lot of questions!
I didn't go with match.com although I know of at least one couple that met that way and are happily married and have kids. Perhaps I should give them a chance.
However, I only had a small amount of recently discovered money in my PayPal account, so this is the road I chose for now.
I'm planning to write one blog for each man I meet and go out with as well as the losers that stalk me even when I have made it as clear as day that I am not interested.(I have had one of those already)
I think it will be at the very least an interesting experiment and a few funny blogs.
Then again, I could meet the man of my dreams. Follow me through this if you like, and leave your comments and ideas in the box!
The first thing I did was write my profile blurb for the free, local dating sites. Then I spent several hours going through a bunch of tiny pictures reading (mostly) bullshit blurbs written by men who claim to want a relationship but by the third "chatting" email they are asking me if I like big cocks. Not exactly a walk on the beach, huh?
I cast out my net by sending out about 30 responses to all sorts of different Men's ads to see what kind of response I'd get.
I made my "about me" somewhat vague on purpose, only mentioning minimal personal bits of information here and there.I Put up recent pictures and was honest about what I was and was not looking for, and waited for the responses to pour in.
Apparently I do not have the right combination of information, wit and pictures, as my responses were a lot more pathetic than I had hoped for.
I got a fair amount of older men (and by older I mean 60+) and a bunch of the hey sexyy u r hawt, wanna get it on?
Nothing annoys me more than people who text type,and bad spelling and worse grammar will get you crossed of the lips almost as fast as your Guido hair and thick gold chains (Remember the Gotti boys? Well they are all alive and well and living in Vancouver and they would like to get wit me)
I was disappointed by the lack of responses I received from the men that I sent out quick "nice to meet you" notes to. I only received about 6. The rest never even bothered to say thank you for saying hi, but you're not my type (because I do at least that)
I did receive a response from one of the men I wrote a note to and we decided to chat via email for a while and see if we had more than the basics in common. We emailed for a week before we moved to the phone conversations.
We agreed to meet for dinner one Friday night.
I will save the meeting part for the next episode as this is getting long, and the meeting with this gentleman and the next deserve more space and story than they will get here. Come on back if you are interested in hearing more.
I know that other writers have done this and have written about it in their own blogs, but my interest in conducting this experiment is two-fold.
One: I am interested in seeing what happens when you put yourself out there, and if you are being honest, making yourself available emotionally and finally showing your vulnerability finding out what happens.
And
Two: Is it possible to meet people a lot of people who lie and yet are interesting and strange and make humorous dating stories.
That's right; I have entered the world of on line dating with serious attempt to find a boyfriend.
My last relationship started on line and I fell in love and other than it ending, it was a good relationship.
I want to know if I can find that again, here, in the city and country I live in. (Long distance relationships are just too difficult.)
I put up a profile on several of the local (and free) dating sites, and I spent 2 days filling out the e harmony questionnaire. Holy crap do they ask a lot of questions!
I didn't go with match.com although I know of at least one couple that met that way and are happily married and have kids. Perhaps I should give them a chance.
However, I only had a small amount of recently discovered money in my PayPal account, so this is the road I chose for now.
I'm planning to write one blog for each man I meet and go out with as well as the losers that stalk me even when I have made it as clear as day that I am not interested.(I have had one of those already)
I think it will be at the very least an interesting experiment and a few funny blogs.
Then again, I could meet the man of my dreams. Follow me through this if you like, and leave your comments and ideas in the box!
The first thing I did was write my profile blurb for the free, local dating sites. Then I spent several hours going through a bunch of tiny pictures reading (mostly) bullshit blurbs written by men who claim to want a relationship but by the third "chatting" email they are asking me if I like big cocks. Not exactly a walk on the beach, huh?
I cast out my net by sending out about 30 responses to all sorts of different Men's ads to see what kind of response I'd get.
I made my "about me" somewhat vague on purpose, only mentioning minimal personal bits of information here and there.I Put up recent pictures and was honest about what I was and was not looking for, and waited for the responses to pour in.
Apparently I do not have the right combination of information, wit and pictures, as my responses were a lot more pathetic than I had hoped for.
I got a fair amount of older men (and by older I mean 60+) and a bunch of the hey sexyy u r hawt, wanna get it on?
Nothing annoys me more than people who text type,and bad spelling and worse grammar will get you crossed of the lips almost as fast as your Guido hair and thick gold chains (Remember the Gotti boys? Well they are all alive and well and living in Vancouver and they would like to get wit me)
I was disappointed by the lack of responses I received from the men that I sent out quick "nice to meet you" notes to. I only received about 6. The rest never even bothered to say thank you for saying hi, but you're not my type (because I do at least that)
I did receive a response from one of the men I wrote a note to and we decided to chat via email for a while and see if we had more than the basics in common. We emailed for a week before we moved to the phone conversations.
We agreed to meet for dinner one Friday night.
I will save the meeting part for the next episode as this is getting long, and the meeting with this gentleman and the next deserve more space and story than they will get here. Come on back if you are interested in hearing more.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)